Episode Transcript
[00:00:21] Speaker A: Welcome to your life and legacy. I'm your host, Christopher Neudaur. And today's conversation is all about influence. How the choices we make every day shape the world around us, whether we realize it or not.
My guest is Risha Grant, a bestselling author, international keynote speaker, and one of the top 10 most powerful women leaders in HR.
Through her powerful no nonsense approach, Reisha helps global brands like Google, T Mobile and Procter and Gamble transform their culture by helping their people be better than their bs.
Her book be better than your BS became a Wall Street Journal and USA Today best seller because it doesn't just challenge organizations, it transforms people from the inside out.
Reisha, welcome to your life and legacy.
Start with the foundation. If you wouldn't mind. What does it really mean to create a culture through our daily choices?
[00:01:38] Speaker B: For me, it means that we as individual people are doing the work to become aware of how we show up.
Right. Our personal culture is what I call it. How do you show up in any room? What's the vibe you bring in? What's the impact that you leave behind? If we truly focus on how we're showing up not just for others, but also for ourselves, we truly begin to transform culture. Because as much as culture is about shared beliefs and values, you have to carry those things within you first.
So a company can have the best policies and procedures in the world.
If their people don't show up wanting to be better, wanting to show up for their team, wanting to show up for the company and create the goals, then they're not really building a culture that people can thrive in and the culture that they want to stay in. So it's all about you personally.
[00:02:29] Speaker A: So I love that. Tell me a little bit about, give me an example of somebody showing up. What does that show up look like? And I'm sure it's different in all different circumstances, but give us a couple examples.
[00:02:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I think we have a lot of people in our offices really just in our lives, right? You have the people that speak a whole lot. I don't care if it's the meeting, you know, you have a couple people dominating that meeting. A way that you in which you can show up in that scenario is that the more introverted person, or maybe they're just really quiet, is that you can speak for them and saying, hey, Chris, you shared an idea with me earlier today that I thought was great. Do you mind sharing it with the group or do you mind if I show it? Do you mind if I share it for you?
Because sometimes people just have trouble speaking in front of other people. Other people. So if you can show up in that way, maybe it's just that you smile and you show kindness. I cannot tell you how many people in my work say, I think that people in the office, my manager, like, nobody likes me simply because they don't smile. They don't say hello. That's how we're doing.
And you would think at the ages that we are, that it wouldn't be that important. But it is super important. So you can show up with kindness, with compassion, with empathy, with understanding, with not allowing other people in that same environment to bring the environment down or bring certain people down. You know, you have to realize that you can be talking to somebody on the worst day of their life. We have no idea what's going on with each other. But if we show up with all the things that make people smile, make people feel seen, valued, and heard, you can't go wrong with that.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: Yeah, that. That's so true. And that. That is fantastic.
So my question for you is, you know, you bring up the fact that, you know, we could be talking to somebody on the worst day of their life and we don't even know it. And like you said, if we show up with that smile, that could at least improve the day, maybe not fix it.
But how do you know? It sounds like your job is really helping educate and train people not only to see other people, but to recognize who they are and make sure that you know. So it's twofold. Right? See other people and understand them and then be your best when you show up. How do you. How do you do that in an organization? Say there's an organization of, you know, thousands, because you've worked with rather big organizations. How do you get down to the personal level?
[00:04:55] Speaker B: Yeah, that is always an issue. Because, of course, managers say, risha, I have 500 people underneath me. There's no way for me to know them all.
And my answer to that is you. Not even if it takes you two years and you spend 15 minutes with each person. I think that's important to do. The other thing is, if you show up the same for everybody, you know, you can't be nice to this person over here because you like them better. Maybe there are things that you have in common, and I know that's easy to do. I love sports, love basketball. Anybody talking about basketball, I naturally am going to gravitate to them. We're probably going to have great conversations. We're going to have fun talking about the game the night before it doesn't mean that that person next to them that cares nothing about sports, that I, I shouldn't interact with them and I shouldn't try to find some commonality. So I think that it's simple if you are, if you, if you keep, keep it the same with everybody. And my thing is I show kindness to everybody.
It's, it's really, it's that simple. If I walk past your desk and you have a picture of your kid or your spouse or partner, whatever it is, I always try to find something that I can say, wow, that's a beautiful picture, or, hey, I read that book that I see on your desk or, you know, out something. I'm going to try to find that commonality. But if nothing else, I'm just going to say, how's your day going?
You know, or how can I help you? Is there anything that I can do to make your job easier or make your life easier?
I'm going to ask those, those questions. It does not have to be a whole hour meeting with people, just showing people that you care. Takes a couple of seconds.
[00:06:31] Speaker A: Yeah, recognizing, even recognizing people is a big thing.
And as I loved how you said smile, because just a simple smile is a connection point between people.
You know, it's unfortunate in today's society, some people will measure who smiles first. Well, they didn't smile at me, so I didn't smile at them. And so, yeah, I love your approach that let's be the ones that learn to smile first and make that connection point because.
[00:07:05] Speaker B: And you know what, Chris? I've even been that person where I was like, you know what? I keep saying hello, and people don't answer me back. I say, good morning. It really does get under my skin. Right. And I will just, you know, good morning. Nobody says anything. I'm like, good morning. You know, so, like, I'll force you to say good morning to me. But then I realized again, this person could be having the worst day of their life. So I did my part. I said good morning. I said, I said hello. And nine times out of 10, people are going to say it back. And I really challenge myself when there's somebody that makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it's something about that person that makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe it's a bias playing out in my head that makes me uncomfortable. But if that's the case, that's where I really dig in. And I'll say, hello, how's your day going?
Are you, you know, are you having a good day out an elevator especially, you know, you get on the elevator with people and you're just like, they can. Maybe there's a vibe they're putting off. But when I do that, I get such a positive response. I mean, yeah, there are some people that won't answer me, but for the most part, everybody engages in a quick conversation. We spend 30 seconds together. But I feel better getting off that elevator, and I hope they do too. Right.
[00:08:12] Speaker A: You connected with somebody that's probably from a different office, a different floor, a different lifestyle. But now the next time you get on the elevator, there's that connection.
[00:08:24] Speaker B: Exactly.
Always something to comment on.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: One thing that I run into a lot is, you know, you have these crazy morning people. That would be me, you know, but by 3 o' clock in the afternoon, I'm thinking nap or something. But yet this is when, you know, the other half of the world is hitting stride. Right? Because when I'm all cheery in the morning, good morning, they're like, a little easy on that good morning, please.
So how do you help people? You know, help them recognize that not everybody's running at the same schedule you are.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: Well, it's getting outside of yourself, right? Getting outside of my own bs.
And I think that's, that's super important that we realize that people are running races and living lives that we are not living. So to your point, if you're a morning person and I'm a late afternoon person, that takes adjustment on both sides, you know, so while I know Chris is a morning person so I may say hello, hello to Chris, I'm not gonna. I'm not probably gonna just be very excited about it. But then Chris knows I'm an afternoon person, so Chris can take that time to really, you know, talk to me in the afternoon if it's something important and you know that about me, you'd be better off waiting until afternoon. I may not, you know, really understand what you're saying at 7 o' clock in the morning. So I think it's just realizing that we're all living different lives and there has to that.
[00:09:48] Speaker A: And you bring up a good point, is for you to even know that I'm a morning person and for me to know you're an afternoon person requires that we already have had a conversation.
And so. Right. So.
So for. For the business owners out there, how can they really be intentional? Intentional about really developing and modifying the culture within their business?
[00:10:15] Speaker B: I think you have to first understand what your culture is.
One thing that has not failed me in these 27 years of business is when I Talk to the employees. They have a totally different perspective than the leaders. So it's important to get on the same page. You know, typically leaders get through rose colored glasses and they're saying we have an amazing culture. People love it here. And it doesn't mean that they don't.
Maybe they really making it difficult for them to come to work and do the job that they need to do.
So let's, let's figure out if this culture is actually what you think it is.
100% it has not been what those things are. Why trust each other? Why can't we meet the goals and to human the human factor. Right. Somebody is very rude. Somebody's not taking the time to and the best way that that I work.
When you're on a team, everybody has a role and you have to understand how those roles work independently and how those roles work together. And if you can understand that, you have a much better, a much better chance of meshing that team together.
So it's really important to understand those roles. And then what is it that we need to accomplish together? You would not believe how many people are trying to accomplish different things on the same team.
So you got to get on the same page.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: Right? Right. Exactly. That's an excellent summary. I love that. Richa, thank you so much.
Coming up next, Risha will talk about how authenticity, while being real with yourself and others, might just be the key to building lasting connections. Stay with us, Sa.
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Welcome back.
I'm here with Risha Grant and in this segment, we're giving ourselves permission, permission to be real.
We live in a world where people feel pressure to hide behind perfection.
But as Reisha often says, authenticity isn't just free, it's foundational to building real trust and connection.
This segment focuses on how authenticity helps people connect, lead and heal. It examines how removing the mask of performance creates space for the true community and legacy.
Risha, what a fantastic leeway. I love authenticity. I love real.
Can you, can you unpack exactly how this fits in into your culture, into the culture that you're trying to transform for these companies.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Yeah, definitely. If people can show up as who they are, just on the. I mean, even the most basic level, how can you expect them to do the job that they're there to do? There are a lot of people that go to work with what I call the whole suit of armor. Right.
Deflect all of the BS coming at them. You know, you might have the person who just doesn't respect who you are. They don't like your lifestyle.
They may not like the way you smell or the way you wear your hair. Right. There's something that maybe that person is doing on a daily basis. You may just have the person that shuts down every idea that you have, whatever it is when you have to mask and you can't show up as you.
You can't be real about who you love, who you date, who you.
And when I say that, I know people are thinking, this is work. Who cares? The reason it matters is that when you're in that environment, everybody else is being able to be free. It causes you to be a liar, to hide inside yourself about who you are. So when you can just show up, do you, hey, this is what I did on the weekend. Know, we had a great time. We don't have to agree about those things. It's not your. It's not, you know, it's not your responsibility to agree, but you also don't have to bash my lived experience.
So I think when people can show up as who they are, they can perform better. And there are actually studies that show that morale is better, product productivity is higher. Right. And we're actually crushing and meeting those goals simply because I get to show up as me.
[00:15:58] Speaker A: So I agree 1000% with you. And I want to show up as me, and I want to live my life out loud and just be who I am and not wear a mask to work and all this armor to protect myself or the. The. My co workers, you know, they're going to continue to judge me now because now they're really going to know the ugliness of me and the things that I like. And, you know, I was just trying to fit in by being more like them. And I'm really not like them.
So how am I supposed to. How am I supposed to really be authentic in that environment?
[00:16:34] Speaker B: Well, I believe that's where leadership has to step in. Leadership has to step in and make sure that the culture that they're creating allows you to be who you are. So if you have somebody, even if that Somebody is a manager and they're degrading you every day simply because of who you are. You should, There should be some type of feedback channel. There should be some type of internal system that will allow you to go and say, this is happening to me on a daily basis and it be taken seriously. Let's find out what's happening. I know that's difficult for people listening to this and saying, well, it's my, it's my boss and there's a power dynamic there.
But if that part, if your boss is the top of the food chain there, and you know that it's going to make your life harder than in all reality, you may have to find somewhere else to work. And I don't say that lightly because I know how difficult it is to find a job, especially now, or change or, you know, move companies. I don't say that lightly. So I say take the, you know, do everything that you can do. Document everything. But it is up to leadership to want to create a culture where Everybody thrives.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: I 100% agree. And I like the way you, you said sometimes change is necessary. And, you know, agree sometimes finding the right fit is the freedom that you need.
And, but, but changing jobs is scary.
You know, health insurance can play, plays a role. The amount of money you plays a role. The amount of influence you have that the company plays a role.
And, but, but if you can't, if you come home every evening and, you know, you're not yourself, I'm guessing that also then goes into your social life and goes into everything. Because you can't just be one person at work and somebody else in the rest of your life, can you? I mean it.
[00:18:39] Speaker B: No, I tried that. And I can say that with much conviction that it made me.
I was mistreating myself. Here I am trying to make all these other people happy that I don't know very well. I may have worked with them for a while, but I don't know them very well. And I'm trying to make them comfortable at the expense of how I'm treating me.
And that is not something that I would trade again for anything else, anything in this world.
[00:19:08] Speaker A: I congratulate you for that because I can see it freeing. Which leads me to my next question is really when we change, we stop pretending, right? You know, we stop being somebody that we think others want us to be and we just become ourselves.
How does that really, what are the positive impacts that that has on a culture?
[00:19:32] Speaker B: Oh, man, everybody is, is happy, at least from a work perspective. You know, you don't have to walk into this place and feel like, you know, I got to stay in this little compartment. I got to stay in this space. You get to go in there, you get to be you, and you get to do the job that presumably you want to do. And so I think it's freeing in so many ways. Not only that other people, when. When they see you being yourself, it allows them to be their. Their self as well. I think we get caught up in this. Oh, if I don't say anything about the way you dress, about the way you talk, about the way you live, who you live with, then I'm agreeing with your lifestyle. And no, that's called minding your own business.
I cannot agree with your lifestyle and still embrace your humanity.
And that's the thing that I feel like we are so far away from right now is I can see the humanity in you and I can be all the things that I need to be for that without saying, I agree with what you do after five. Because it's really has nothing. It really has nothing to do with me unless you're hurting somebody that's different. But I just. On that basic general level, I love.
[00:20:46] Speaker A: How you bridge that too. That because. Because you're recognizing people for being people and for their authentic ness. You. But that doesn't mean that you have to either become them or embrace them or subscribe to their way of being, but you just have to treat them like the people they are.
[00:21:07] Speaker B: That's it is so. It's so simple. Things that we learned when we were five years old, Right.
[00:21:12] Speaker A: But I'm not even sure I did it right at five.
[00:21:16] Speaker B: Wish you had an excuse to be at five. Right.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: Exactly.
So your message really is a breath of fresh air. And I know that our viewers are going to want to get to know you better and learn more about you. Where is it that they can find you, look you up, get to know you better? Where are those connection points you can.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: Find me all over social media At Risha Grant is really simple. My website is rishagrant.com so I'm really easy to find. My books are both on Amazon, so it's not hard. If you spell my name right, you'll find me.
[00:21:56] Speaker A: That's fantastic. And I'm sure they're going to look you up.
So when we come back, we're going to talk about the power of kindness and how small acts really can ripple and transform the entire culture within a company.
SA Foreign, welcome back to your life and legacy. Don't miss a second of this show or any NOW Media TV favorite streaming live and on demand wherever and wherever you want. Grab the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and enjoy instant access to our lineup of bilingual programs in both English and Spanish. Prefer podcast? Who doesn't listen to your life and Legacy Anytime on Now Media TV website at Now Media TV covering business, breaking news, lifestyle, culture and more. Now Media TV is available 24 7, so the stories you care about are always within reach.
Welcome back to YOUR Life and Legacy. I'm your host, Christopher Nudo, and I'm joined right now with Risha Grant. And we're talking about the power of kindness. How small intentional acts create waves of change beyond what we can see.
In a world that often rewards competition over compassion, kindness might just be the ultimate leadership tool.
This segment explores how kindness serves as a catalyst for trust, empathy, and belonging, and how it becomes part of a person's personal legacy.
So again, Rishi, thanks for being with us.
Why do small acts of kindness have such a big emotional impact?
[00:24:30] Speaker B: Because the world feels so unkind and so rushed and we just don't have time for each other. You know, we're really, we have so many things going on in our, in our own lives, and I completely understand that, especially at this season of my life.
But people are so isolated. There are so many things happening where, you know, someone is just sitting in their house and maybe they're playing video games or maybe they don't have friends or maybe they're being bullied, that you may be the only person that smiled at this person today. As I said earlier, someone could be experiencing the worst day of their life. Your smile, your hello will not fix their issue, but it will at least spread some type of kindness or some type of just being nice in someone else's life, taking the time to see how someone is doing even, even if you can't, even if they decide to share with you everything that they're going through, the fact that you took the time to listen, those things go so far. I mean, think about all of the things that we see on the news and how they always come back to someone being in isolation, someone not being able to live the life that they want to live for themselves.
You know, it comes back to not, not having people in their lives or people that are showing kindness. You know, and there's no excuse for the atrocities that we see in the world. But I just think we should do a better job of being kind to people. We don't have to know people to be Kind to them.
[00:26:04] Speaker A: I totally agree. You said something very interesting that I want to pick up on, and it says you don't. We don't have to fix them. But some of us, Risha, are fixers. I'm. I'm guilty. And as you know, you know, and. And so I don't know, you know, I'm not. What my wife would say is, I'm not very good at just sitting in the emotional moment with her. I always have to go to fixing it. So. Yeah, so. And that's not good, by the way. And so help. Help the viewers understand. And if you're a fixer, what are some of the little things you can do to really help people so that, you know that you don't have to be saddled with fixing other people's problems, that they just. Maybe just being there is important.
[00:26:56] Speaker B: And I will say, and this is a complete generalization, and in my experience, that is a male thing. Right?
That is true.
[00:27:03] Speaker A: Very possible.
[00:27:04] Speaker B: Yeah. To want to fix it. One of my best friends, that is him, he wants to fix it if something.
Something is going wrong. I'm having a bad day, you know, he'll call repeatedly. What do I need to do? What. What needs to happen? And sometimes all that needs to happen is conversation, is listening without judgment, is listening without having an answer. And I can be guilty of that as well, even with my partner. And so sometimes she'll say, I just need you to listen. And it's. It's really important to.
Because sometimes you don't have the answer. Right. There are. There are things out there that we don't have the answer for. But just holding somebody, listening to what they're saying and acknowledging that experience can be enough.
When I'm unsure, I also will ask, is there anything that. That you need from me? Is there anything that I can say, or. Do you mind if I share this? This just came to me. And sometimes that person will say no when you have to be okay and get your ego out of the way and say, you know, okay, I'm just here.
[00:28:07] Speaker A: That's great.
[00:28:07] Speaker B: Yeah. We all. We all want to offer this. This advice, which sometimes can be pretty unhelpful.
[00:28:13] Speaker A: Right. We have to sometimes be careful when we go to fix it, because our idea of fixing it may not be the kindest thing we can do.
Yeah, guilty.
So just. Just. We were talking about authenticity. Right. So, yeah. So, um, I. I am sensing that we have this cultural shift. We have this authenticity. We have the. The real you showing up. I bet when you're working with groups. You hear that. You know, I used to come to work with a lot of anxiety and, and now, now I, I come and I really enjoy myself. Share, share with our audience just a little of the transforming ways you've heard from people and how their lives have changed by just as you say, putting down the bs.
[00:29:09] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. One of the things that I will never forget is after a speech and you know, when you, I worked in the DEI space for quite a while and so within that space of course there are a lot of things that people don't want to hear and that make people uncomfortable.
And so I've become really great at the art of disarming people in the beginning of my, of my keynotes and this woman came up to me afterwards and she said, I walked in here closed minded, but I'm being a changed person, completely open minded to try to understand more about me and the people around me.
And that was one of the best testimonials that I've had and I've had a few different ones like that. But the fact that someone said I walked in here closed minded, I didn't want to hear this, you know, with this, with this stuff again.
And I really try to focus in on not telling people you're racist, you're homophobic, you're transphobic, you're. I don't say any of those things. What I say is that when we come into this world, we're born into what I call a biased sphere which consists of our friends and family, it consists of the religion we practice, it consists of the media we consume, the government we live under, the colleges and universities that we chose or the schools that we went to. And what happens is all of these things download images and experiences onto and to onto us mentally. And so we begin to live through those experiences. And a lot of times we form opinions about people and things and we don't have any lived experience with those people or those things.
And so if you'll ask yourself what's true for me, if you'll ask yourself, could my thinking be wrong?
You will see that sometimes what you've been taught to be true, it may have been true for that situation, it may have been true for that person, but it does not mean that it's true for you. And it's really difficult to do because a lot of these things we learn from our families, who we trust, whom we love, from the institutions that we went through, went to whom we trust, whom we love, the religion that we practice, but those things does not, it doesn't automatically mean that it's true or that it's. That it's a correct experience for you. And that's the thing of. Is finding it what it is for you. I always talk about growing up with my grandmother, who, you know, was a woman born in 19, a black woman born in 1923, Oklahoma. So there were a lot of things that she experienced as a black woman that led her to want to teach her kids and grandkids how to navigate in a world that wasn't built for them.
Well, in teaching that, I also learned bias and mistrust of white people that I had to work through and being able to work through that. My grandmother, she loved everybody. And I know that if she were here, she would say, I never would have wanted to teach you anything negative. But she was trying to teach me as a way to protect me. But it became my job to say, well, you know what? I know a lot of really cool white people. And so while that may have happened to Grandma, and I respect that story and I respect what I've learned and her experience, it did not happen to me. So let me treat everybody for how it is that they're treating me.
[00:32:22] Speaker A: Yeah, and that's spot on.
I think a lot of us, even as we walk down the street, if we choose to look at the people we're passing as we're walking down the sidewalk, each person we pass, we immediately put a little story in our head. A little movie reel starts to play, and, you know, depending on what they look like, how they're dressed, what race they are, you know, all of these things, we automatically think that the movie playing in our head is the correct movie.
When indeed, these are just people who are looking at us, probably saying, man, that guy, I don't know what he was thinking when he got dressed this morning, but they're playing their own movie. Right. You know, so I can so identify so well with your idea of changing the culture by looking at people for who they are and just being authentic. And let's. I find myself often trying to fight against shutting the movie down and saying to myself, timeout. Don't play the movie until you know the movie of the person and getting to know the person.
[00:33:34] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. It just. You know, we just feel like we don't have time. We'd rather go with the movie that's already playing. And. Yeah, you have on that.
[00:33:45] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, 100%. So kindness. We're just. We're going to wrap up this section with the concept of kindness.
And how do you engage people to inspire kindness. You know, kindness is, you know, people, like, I'm nice to everybody. Well, are you, though? Like, what is kindness? Look like, what are some of them little things that show genuineness in that, in that arena.
[00:34:16] Speaker B: Back to some of the things that I was saying earlier. Smiling, asking people about their day, asking people about their, their kids or whatever it is that, you know, maybe you, you, you. I'm sorry, maybe it's something that, that you've seen on their desk. There's. It, it's just, it's super important to get outside of yourself. I mean, you know, I, I might rush around some days, and I don't have time to even eat, much less try to say hello and be kind to somebody. But an opportunity will always present itself for you to show kindness. And it does. It doesn't take a lot. And like I said earlier, sometimes people won't respond back.
So you have to get out of your head and say, this was for me to show kindness. I don't have to be mad because they didn't show kindness back, which I'm guilty of. Right? Because I think if I say hello, the least you can do is say hello back. But again, I don't know what's going on in that person's life.
So being able to just smile and say hello as I'm walking down the trail and running into somebody in a parking lot, I can do those things. Kindness is letting people in traffic, you know, people.
[00:35:26] Speaker A: No, that's a hard one for me. Oh, boy.
[00:35:28] Speaker B: It's a hard one. I know, I know I can be guilty, but I always, I always try to say to myself, well, I remember what it felt like when somebody didn't let me in.
[00:35:37] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:35:39] Speaker B: And that's the thing. If you can really go back to your BS and because this is something I've been working on for so long, it's easy for me to recognize. So I know it doesn't necessarily mean it goes away, but it means that you are cognizant of it. And, and when it's happening, you can put a stop to it. You can, you can. A behavioral change in that moment.
[00:35:58] Speaker A: And, and, and you said it so well.
When we put ourselves out there, let's make the putting ourselves out there the thing.
Not put ourselves out there because we're expecting something back, because that's where the hurt. That's where the fail. That's where the, the missing element comes in.
Make the, make the outward gesture of kindness be the thing. If you get something in return.
That's just. That's gravy on the mashed potatoes, right? The mashed potatoes were good anyway.
[00:36:34] Speaker B: Exactly.
Exactly. Yeah. I love the way you put that. It certainly is. I mean, you just keep it moving. You did. You did your part.
[00:36:41] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:36:42] Speaker B: That's all you can control. And I tell people all the time, we all want to control so many different things about the world and our families and all these things. The only thing you 100% are in control of is yourself. So do what you can do and keep it moving.
[00:36:56] Speaker A: Perfect. Well, up next, Risha helps us look inward with what she calls the mirror moment. This scares me already. The art of seeing yourself clearly so that you can connect deeply with others.
Stay tuned.
[00:37:36] Speaker B: Foreign.
[00:37:46] Speaker A: Welcome back to your life and legacy. Don't miss a second of this show or any of your NOW Media TV favorite streaming live and on demand wherever and whenever you want. Grab the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and enjoy instant access to our lineup of bilingual programs, both in English and Spanish. Prefer the podcast Listen to your life and Legacy anytime. I'm now Media TV covering business, breaking news, lifestyle, culture and more. Now Media TV is available 24 7, so the stories you carry care about are always within reach.
Welcome back.
We're closing today's episode with Risha Grant diving into something she calls the mirror moment.
That brave pause when we're stopping to look outward for change and start looking inward. Because the truth is that real legacy, it begins with self awareness.
This final segment helps viewers understand about self reflection and accountability and how that's key to transforming relationships, leadership, and the culture they create.
Risha, this mirror moment, you know, truth be known, I joke around a lot because I like looking in the mirror and I'm like, here it is.
But I'm. That's not what you're talking about. Tell us what you mean by the.
[00:39:24] Speaker B: Mirror moment is when you say you're upset at somebody else, right? Because they didn't react in the way that you wanted them to, or maybe they didn't do what you thought they should have done.
If you'll always look at yourself first and always look at first how you treat yourself, because I think how you treat yourself is a true indication of how you're going to treat other people.
If you don't have compassion for you, if you don't have empathy for you, you may not have as much for the next person.
You know, if you're not living out the life that you want for yourself, you may not, you may not want to allow somebody else to live the life that they want for themselves. So what is it in you that you can see in the changes that you need to make? Because again, the only thing you can control is you. The only change you can create is within you.
And then you project that outward so that people get to show up as who they are as well.
[00:40:20] Speaker A: I understand it. I got it. This mirror moment. I get it. So, so I, I mean, I can put the perfect story to this, right? Because I'm that morning person, right? And if I'm up at 6:30 in the morning and I think I need to text you and Because I have this brilliant idea and I text you and I don't get feedback at 6:30 in the morning and I'm sitting there stewing over why the three little dots aren't coming up.
I shouldn't be getting mad at you. I should be having that mirror moment. Right. I should be saying, well, wait a minute, wait a minute. Who said that my idea at 6:30 in the morning was the thing that we need to focus on right now. I get it.
[00:41:01] Speaker B: Exactly. They may be getting kids ready for school, right?
[00:41:04] Speaker A: Absolutely.
Or maybe they just don't want to talk to me.
[00:41:09] Speaker B: And yeah, there's that. They just don't want to talk to you. But then come 7 o' clock at night you get that text back.
[00:41:15] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:41:16] Speaker B: Not, it's nothing that you were imagining in your head. They didn't like my idea. You know, all the things that we tell ourselves that are negative person, they're like, that was amazing. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I had a crazy day, you know, and so we make up stories in our head and then we project them on to other people.
[00:41:32] Speaker A: We do, yes. So I love your mirror moment. I almost, I almost think I need that little sign in my office or a bumper sticker, you know.
So what are some of the blind spots that help people recognize?
What are really the blind spots that people need to recognize so they treat others better.
[00:41:58] Speaker B: I think those blind spots come in small ways where people will tell you. They may say, hey, I didn't like that you said this, or I don't like that you keep doing this thing. And what I've learned in my work is that most people get offended by that. If you try to tell someone, hey, you're, you're showing bias toward this other person or you keep talking about this person's weight or you know, you may, maybe they're making a joke out of It. But you have to be able to receive that feedback and say, oh, like I'll give you a perfect example when people started using pronouns, right? She, her, hers, him, and, you know, and they and all and all of that. For me, even though I am, I'm a really open person, I kept thinking, what does it matter? Just tell me, here's my name. Call me by my name.
And a person said to me, but if you can use those pronouns, you can make that person feel seen.
And I heard a quote that said, the worst thing you can do to a person is make them invisible.
So that instantly turned for me into, that is, yeah, there's a small thing I can do to make somebody else feel seen. I'm good with that. I'm good with that. And I know that so many people feel unseen and unheard and undervalued, that if I can say that and that's going to make you feel something positive, it's not going to hurt me to say it.
[00:43:23] Speaker A: So I hear a couple of things in that. Really.
I'm sorry to cut you off the.
So the.
Because I would have been with you, I would have been like, well, the authentic is not in the pronoun, but the authentic is in the person.
However, to that person, to be seen was in their pronouns.
And so. And so now, of course, you know, my brain is all over the place right now, thinking, packing all this. And I'm saying to myself now, doubts if they need to be seen through their pronouns, are they really being authentic? Or are there layers of that onion need to be unpeeled? See what I just did there? I'm going into the fix it mode. In your own story. In your story. Oh, my goodness, I got a lot of work to do on me. Holy cow.
[00:44:15] Speaker B: But when people, depending on how they present you, may not know that they want to be she heard hers, you know, you may get that wrong. So if someone gives you their pronouns, you don't have to worry about offending them. And it's nothing for you to be inclusive of that.
It takes two seconds right now when people ask me about my pronouns, I can give them to them, but I will also say, you know what? Don't worry about it. Just call me Risha.
[00:44:39] Speaker A: Yeah, important to you.
[00:44:41] Speaker B: That's what I prefer.
So, you know, it's not. It is. It's a change. And it does take a minute for your brain to catch up there. But when you actively work on it, you'll get that. You'll get that, right?
[00:44:52] Speaker A: I think you just, you Just transition perfectly into where I want to go next, which is the pause.
So somebody once said, and I've adopted this saying for myself, when you hear something from me, it's the first time I'm hearing it too.
And, and so that's what us talkers do.
We don't think much before we speak.
Guilty. So, but I'm, I'm sensing that, that pausing when you're with somebody and rec first trying to take not be about you, but recognizing who they are.
How does, how does really taking that moment help people and ultimately shift the culture within companies?
[00:45:42] Speaker B: I think that's everything. You know, we call it taking a beat in the speaking world.
And it. Even when you're on stage and you know your brain's running quicker than your mouth and you're trying to think of what comes next. Right. What am I going to say next? When you take that beat or you take that pause, it just gives your brain time, your mouth time to catch up with your brain and remember that point that you wanted to make. And you're right. It works just as well in conversation, especially when you're talking to someone who does have a different lifestyle. And maybe there are some things that you haven't experienced yourself. So being able to take that beat and even honestly saying to that person, you know what? I don't quite understand that. Do you mind explaining it to me, you know, in layman's terms, or do you mind helping me understand it better? Now, the thing is not to get offended again when someone says, well, I'd rather you go researching on your own. I don't want to be the person to explain it to you because some people will say that to you, but the other people that spend the time to help you learn something new, I think it's. I will tell people all the time. I know you may not be. You might not want to explain this to me. That's fine if you don't. But I'd love to hear from you because you are living this and I'm not and I don't understand it.
[00:46:55] Speaker A: Do really people actually won't take the time to unpack it for you? I would think it really. Wow.
[00:47:02] Speaker B: Yeah. There are people that, especially in the work that I've done for 27 years, that they're tired of explaining it.
[00:47:12] Speaker A: That makes sense.
[00:47:13] Speaker B: They're just tired because. And I, and I did it to some degree. It's. It almost became something especially 20, you know, 2020 through 2022, where you are constantly really reliving trauma and pain. And you know, the things that have been hurtful throughout your life. So people started to say, hey, go, go do some research on your own. And then let's, let's have a conversation. Because that, that's the other thing. There's so much to learn, and this is my experience, but you can go learn what's true and what's real and we can have a better conversation. So, yeah, I'm not one of those people, but I do know people that are like that and they, they just, they don't want to take the time to explain it to you because you don't want to take the time to learn about it. So, you know, half a dozen other. I'm for, I'm for talking to people, but some people are not.
[00:48:02] Speaker A: No. And I can I get your point 100% that some people, it's not that they really don't want to talk to you about it. It's. They're just beat up, they're exhausted. They've had to explain it so many times that, you know, you're the one person, they're like, I need a break. It's not going to be now. So I get that.
[00:48:19] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:48:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:21] Speaker B: Yeah. And that you brought up a good point. If you can say to a person, not right now, can we talk about this next week? I don't have the energy to talk about it. And what I've learned is that a lot of people really get offended by those kinds of things. And that's why I say we have to step outside of our own BS because you don't know how that person has told that story in one day.
[00:48:39] Speaker A: Right.
[00:48:40] Speaker B: So it really is about giving people the space and time and making sure that you do come back. Though, if you tell somebody, I'd love to have this conversation with you, but not right now, but making sure that you follow up and have that conversation.
[00:48:53] Speaker A: That'll mean a lot to them, guaranteed.
Risha, this has been so insightful.
Remind our viewers again where they can go to connect with your book, your speaking and all your engagements.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: Definitely. If you are trying to find anything, Risha Grant, that's all you have to put in, is Risha Grant. And I have a website, rishagrant.com you're going to find me on every social media platform out there.
And now it might not be kept updated. Not a big social media person, but you can find me out there and my books are on Amazon.
[00:49:26] Speaker A: Richa, thank you for reminding us that legacy isn't about titles or success.
It's about how we treat people, how we show up and how we grow from the inside out to our viewers. Remember, your culture begins with you. You. The way you lead, speak and love every day shapes the legacy you leave behind.
I'm Christopher Nudo, and this has been your life and legacy, where we help you live intentionally, lead compassionately, and leave a legacy that lasts. See you next time.
