Episode Transcript
[00:00:22] Speaker A: Welcome to your life and legacy.
I'm your host, Christopher Nudo. And this show is all about helping you build a meaningful, lasting impact on your life and the lives of those you love. My guest today is Vanessa Lagoa, a certified recovery coach and founder of the Sobriety Buzz.
She's passionate about helping people break free from alcohol and rediscover their power and write a new chapter in their story.
Vanessa is known as a hope dealer, someone who brings raw, real and relatable insight into healing and transformation.
Vanessa, welcome to the show. And today I'd love to begin by exploring one of the most common struggles, self doubt.
Many people doubt whether they can really change and whether they even deserve something better.
Let's talk about how you guide people through transforming that self doubt into self trust.
Vanessa, I can imagine that every person is just sitting around saying to themselves, I can't do this.
So how do you help them do it?
[00:01:42] Speaker B: Morning, Chris. Thank you for having me.
So what I try to remind people about, when they come to me, they're struggling. They're saying things like you said. I just. I can't stop. I can't change this relationship with alcohol. I. This is who I am. I just. It's just where I'm at, and it's a problem I have. You know, that's the typical narrative.
I try to remind people that, first of all, anything that you put your mind to, I firmly believe that you can do. I'm a big mindset shifter.
So that's first. Second, I get it. And I feel like by simply identifying with people and explaining to them that I was exactly where you are today, and I felt the very same way. I felt totally trapped. I felt like this was just a problem I had. It was something that was happening to me. I had no control over it. I drank and I couldn't stop. And, you know, it was. It just was what it was.
I get that. I can identify with that. But when I can explain to people that now I'm here and I was where you are. So it is possible. If I can do it, if millions of other people can do it, so can you.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: And tell us a little bit about your personal journey. You know, I can relate with you that, you know, there are those times where one drink turns into five and five is a problem, and if it. If that is a habit that repeats itself, that's. That's damage. So tell me about your own personal journey to get to where you are with the sobriety buzz.
[00:03:19] Speaker B: So I grew up in a home where alcohol Wasn't allowed.
It wasn't. Nobody was allowed to bring it in my house. Nobody drank alcohol due to, you know, previous problems with addiction.
So I think even from before the time I ever touched a drop of alcohol, I was kind of intrigued by it because, you know, when you tell somebody they can't have something or. Boy, do you want to know a little bit more? Absolutely, yeah. That being said, I took my first drink at 15, and I fell in love. I had a passionate, toxic love affair with alcohol for 21 years.
And from the very first time that I drank it, I didn't like the taste, but I loved the effect. And I drank, I would say, pretty heavily, pretty quickly for 21 years.
I've had several children. So throughout, you know, being pregnant, my drinking came to almost a stop. But I will admit that there were times that I was drinking while I was pregnant, and I can say that now because I'm not proud of that. But it is something that I try to be honest about so that people understand that I get it.
[00:04:29] Speaker A: And one of the things that I really can sense in what you're saying, and I understand it, is this concept of shame, this concept of I know better.
However, the demon inside of me is just driving me to make a decision that even despite the shame. So how do you help people who are stuck in that cycle?
[00:04:57] Speaker B: The first thing is to explain that you're cognizant of a problem or you're. You're identifying that. You. You understand that there's something that is holding you back from where you want to be, holding you back from your potential. And most of the time, by the time people sit across from me, they're. They know that alcohol or drugs are the culprit. So, you know, I start by explaining to people that identifying a problem is the first step in correcting it or changing it or shifting your life to be more fulfilling. So shame serves no purpose.
[00:05:32] Speaker A: Right.
[00:05:33] Speaker B: If you live in it. Shame can serve a purpose if you can identify and make change. So the shame, I tell people, like, let it go. Who you were yesterday isn't who you have to be tomorrow and going forward. So, you know, I really coach and push people into just let that be. If you're ashamed of behaviors, the best way to change that is to change your behavior. Change your behavior. And now you're not that person anymore. You've shifted into a higher version of who you are trying to become.
[00:06:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
So fundamental and right on point. Now, Vanessa, you and I have had the privilege of speaking previously, and I know Your spirituality plays a big part in your ability, not only to manage your life, but then to help others share with us, really, the impact of spirituality in the process.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: So I was raised in a home where religion just wasn't part of our family.
I was always very highly intuitive, and I always felt like there was something outside of me that I could believe in, but I could never really identify what that was. And that carried right into my adulthood. And when I. When I first stopped drinking, I did find myself in the halls of aa, which I will always credit, you know, part of my success to.
And there was so much talk about higher power and God, and I really struggled because that had never been part of my life. So I couldn't identify with how that was going to help me. So it almost felt like this whole other undertaking. I had to find, figure out what I believed and. And then, you know, integrate that into my life and into my sobriety.
I struggled, but what I finally realized was I knew that I believed in something outside of myself. And to this day, I just sort of refer to that as the universe, just as you would God. It's a very similar, you know, experience for me where I believe that everything is.
I. We're. We are exactly where we're meant to be. I trust that in energies. And I've really allowed myself to sort of accept that I don't fully understand what I believe, but I know that I believe everything is as it should be. And I. I run with that.
[00:08:03] Speaker A: Yeah, it's become, I'm guessing, part of your inner core, kind of. It's become. Vanessa.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:08:10] Speaker A: I love.
[00:08:11] Speaker B: Correct. And. And I laugh because when I. When I'm helping people who are where I was, where they're like, I don't know if I believe in God. I don't know what I believe in. I tell people that the first thing that I knew I believed in was the ocean, and they look at me like, oh, God, she's crazy. How am I going to talk to this person? And I say, I live near the ocean. When I would go and be lost and confused, I would just drive and sit at the beach and look out, and you look at this vast, these waves in this water, and. And it would remind me that there has something bigger. Look at this. This is amazing. And I started there. I really started there. And then, you know, my faith grew.
And, you know, I'm at the point today that, is there a God? Maybe there is, and maybe that's something I'm. I'm getting closer to. But I think Accepting that I don't know, everything that I believe is okay. And so when people are struggling, you know, I'll tell people, go to a church, go to a synagogue, go to the beach, go somewhere and see what feels right for you. You know, surround yourself with people who are more well versed in faith than you are and see what sticks.
[00:09:23] Speaker A: Absolutely. And creation itself, you know, whether it would be the mountains, the plains or the ocean, it screams that it didn't happen by accident. And so that feeling that you get that there is something out there that's not a mistake, that's the way we were created. And so I so understand how that has now helped you with the direction you've gone in. And I'm guessing that it helps build self trust, right?
Your, your internal being and how you talk to yourself and how you share with others, right?
[00:10:05] Speaker B: Yes. I mean, the one thing that people who know me would tell you is that I tell people, the longer you hang around me, the more you'll believe in yourself. Because I'm going to teach you how to trust yourself, how to like yourself, how to get more connected with yourself. Because without that, these big changes are really going to be a struggle.
[00:10:29] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:10:30] Speaker B: And so.
[00:10:30] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:10:31] Speaker B: And having that, you know, a little bit back, going backtrack, backtracking a little bit. Faith is when people are like, I just don't know if I believe. I'm like, you know, when you pick up the telephone and you dial a phone number, you have faith that somebody's gonna be connected on the other end or you walk into a room and you flip the light switch and you just have faith that the lights are gonna turn on. These are things we've just come to believe.
Why can't you believe in something greater than those little.
[00:11:00] Speaker A: Those are great coaching moments. Like Vanessa. Those are excellent coaching moments. And I understand why people believe more in themselves after being with you and the positive energy you have. Listen, we'll be right back. Coming up, we're going to talk about how to rebuild your health, body, mind and spirit after years of drinking.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: Sam Foreign.
[00:11:53] Speaker A: Welcome back to your life and legacy. Want more of what you're watching? Stay connected to your life and legacy and every NOW Media TV favorite live or on demand, anytime you'd like. Download the free Now Media TV app on Roku or iOS and unlock non stop bilingual programming in English and Spanish on the move.
You can also catch the podcast version right from our website, NowMedia TV. From business and news to lifestyle, culture and beyond, Now Media TV is streaming around the clock. Ready when you are. I'm here with the recovery coach and hope dealer, Vanessa Lagoa.
In this segment, we're diving into the journey of rebuilding health, body, mind and spirit. After years of drinking, many people feel overwhelmed by the damage alcohol has caused and they wonder, is it even possible to repair it?
Vanessa, let's talk about where that healing begins. You know, drinking often leaves a real deep effect on things like sleep and your mood for sure, relationships. And we know your overall health. We know that many people feel the damage is honestly too great to repair or like we've talked about in the previous segment, their own self doubt and it leaves them hopeless and truly unmotivated.
So when you're working with these people and they're so overwhelmed and share with us, like, how do you, how do you get them to the core elements to move them?
[00:13:42] Speaker B: We do. I teach a lot of like practicing the pause, taking a deep breath. Because sometimes when you're getting sober, when you're getting rid of a coping mechanism, which I will always say alcohol is a coping mechanism, it is not a good coping mechanism, but it is a coping mechanism. When you're removing that from your life and you don't have something to healthy to substitute it with, that's when people feel stuck, that's when people feel lost, and that's when people want to just go right back to, to the bottle.
So a lot of it is that overwhelming sense of you're feeling emotions you've never felt before. Your body may be craving alcohol. You're not sure how to interact in social settings. You're just, you're, you're finding a version of yourself that you don't really know how to live with.
So a lot of that becomes so overwhelming that people are really, really struggle. So a lot of that is take deep breaths, practice the pause, and live in the present moment.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: What are some other tools you use to get them? Because I mean, I love those, but there's, you know, what other methods, what other tools are there that people can implement right away in addition to the ones you just outlined?
[00:15:05] Speaker B: So getting outside, fresh air, walking sounds. People will look at me like I'm crazy, but there's so much power in moving your body, getting outside, being in nature, and, and it's putting you in a much healthier element. So that's a, that's a first step. Another thing that I often tell people is a little bit different than the majority would say is if you are used to coming home every single day, having a drink, and your body is used to that you're physically dependent on that, I say, let's work on first breaking the addiction, then breaking the habit. And what I mean by that is if you're used to coming home and at 5 o', clock, opening up the fridge and grabbing for a glass of wine, come home. Make sure you've planned in advance and you have something as a substitute. So come home and as you're making dinner, pour yourself a mocktail, have something else. Because it's easier to break.
It's harder to break the habit, I find, than the actual addiction. Once the substances are out of your body, it's a shorter time frame before you're starting to feel better. But that habit, that reaching for something is a lot more difficult.
So that's a little tool that people have found a lot of success with because it's, it's giving them that sense of normalcy that they're used to.
[00:16:27] Speaker A: And I can tell that you've, I can tell you've walked the walk because as you were saying it, I'm like, gosh, that feels backwards. Like if I, if I was coaching somebody, I'd be like, if you're used to having to drink when you come home at 5 o', clock, don't come home at 5 o'.
[00:16:41] Speaker B: Clock.
But you're like, yeah, for some people.
So first it is. Coaching somebody with an addiction or, you know, a problem is very specific. It's very one on one. There are some people that say, you know, I've got to do something different. And so we'll concoct a plan. Okay, great. Like you said, maybe, maybe you're used to that and you're afraid that if you're home, you're going to fall back in, so start a new routine. So some people do, some people will say, okay, you know what, I'm gonna go to the gym. Okay, great. So we, you know, we try new things out. So it's very specific. It's very catered for every person. I tend to work with people who are of my demographics where suburban moms. So, you know, leaving and going somewhere different might not be an option. I'm coming home, I'm doing this. So I've got to break up that routine in a different way.
[00:17:36] Speaker A: Makes perfect sense. So, you know, you.
I don't have an ocean by me, although I do have Lake Michigan, but it's no ocean. And I love the serenity that you have really described as you would go and you could feel the power of the ocean and the serenity of the beaches and Everything. But how do you direct people who are like, yeah, I just, like, kind of live in suburban city somewhere in the United States.
Where do they get away?
[00:18:10] Speaker B: So, I mean, there are.
The universe is so amazing, right? There are so many possibilities. There are so many things that sometimes are right in front of us that we don't even see. So on your way to work, deviate from your norm. If. If you're. If you're feeling like you can't find something like the ocean or Lake Michigan, find something on your way to work. Take a different route. Maybe you'll come across a pond or a park or. You know, I have a friend who got really into bird watching when she stopped drinking. And she's like, I never noticed the birds before. And now she sits at this place and she watches. It must be some type of a conservation area. You know, she finds that there are.
You can put on your television. I have one going in my living room today. You could put on your television backgrounds of any place you know. Is it the same as being out in nature? No, but it's. It can reset your mind another little.
I tend to give advice that's a little bit different than the norm. And one of the things that I heard a lot in early recovery was you can only get sober for yourself.
And I really struggled with that because a lot of people who are struggling don't love themselves. They don't even like themselves. So my advice tends to be, if you don't love yourself yet, you don't even like yourself yet, fine. Find something, a person, place, or thing that you do love, that you do enjoy, and consider making these changes for that. So that could be a park, birds, anything really.
[00:19:44] Speaker A: And I think you're 100% right. The many people who are struggling and ashamed, they don't love themselves and they don't believe in themselves. And as you stated, I love the fact that you're able to guide them into find something you do love.
Which leads me to really, the process.
How long does it take? And obviously, I understand it's different for everybody, but tell me about the process.
Until people really see meaningful change, process.
[00:20:20] Speaker B: Is different for everybody. But I have created a program that is. It's called Revamp and it's. It is a 90 day program.
90 days. I chose because 90 days has been proven to be the most crucial in making change, and especially with addiction.
I say that lightly because in 90 days, I don't want somebody to go check, I'm cured. I'm great. I no longer have a problem it sort of depends. There are many frames of thought when it comes to addiction, sobriety.
Some people say they are recovered, some people say they are recovering. Some people, you know, refer to themselves as alcoholics and believe that that is a forever thing. My mindset is a little bit different.
I don't usually say, I don't refer to myself as an alcoholic, and I don't even often say I'm sober. I just say I'm somebody who had a drinking problem and I don't drink anymore. So it's a very personal matter. But I feel like that first year of sobriety is when people are starting to. I think when people hit a year, they're able to say, if I could do that for a year, I can do this going forward. But there is a lot that mindset has to be worked on and practice constantly.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: And. And your legacy that you are developing as a result of the complete 180 change that you've made in your life not only impacts you, but is impacting others. I'm sure it's your children, your family, your friends.
Tell me about that. Tell me about how we're going to go with Vanessa 2.0. Probably pretty cheesy thing to say. I'm sorry, but Vanessa 2.0, tell us how that has really impacted and helped your legacy, your family, your friends, and the people you connect with.
[00:22:24] Speaker B: So it's funny because I feel like what once was the heaviest part of my life, this alcohol problem, this drinking problem has.
And I feel cheesy saying this, but has truly become probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me because I am able to connect with so many people.
I'm able to be proud of the work that I do and the inspiration that I'm able to bring to other people.
And it has really unlocked my purpose in life, which is to motivate, to guide, to help people, and to make people feel heard and understood and seen just as they are.
[00:23:07] Speaker A: So for those people who are like, oh, I need the sobriety buzz and they want to get a hold of you, Vanessa, and they want to follow your journey, or they just need a release from the struggles they're dealing with with their addictions, what's the best place they can connect with you?
[00:23:27] Speaker B: So I'm very active on TikTok. I have a pretty good presence there, and that's the sobriety buzz.
You can find me there. And then I have a website also, www.thesobrietybuzz.com.
but I would say tick tock. I'M most active and I just make short videos just inspiring people to make change.
And I do feel like, as cheesy as it is to say that TikTok will, I think, go down as part of my legacy.
I'm very proud of my growing presence there because I'm connecting there with strangers who are there for the content. You know, they don't know me on a personal level, but they're there and I'm getting messages about, hey, thank you for this video. This helped me. Or, you know, people will privately message me telling me, hey, I've been watching you, and I have, you know, two weeks sober, and it really lights my fire. And it, it really has become one of the things I'm most proud of.
[00:24:31] Speaker A: And you've become a role model, Vanessa.
[00:24:34] Speaker B: Yeah. And like you've said before when we've talked about your faith, you say, hey, like, I'm not perfect. I still make mistakes. I still, you know, very same thing. I mean, I don't pick up a drink, but I have, you know, I can find myself going backwards sometimes. But I'm honest about that. I shared a video a few months ago, I was in an airport with my family and flights were canceled and airports were always my. One of my top triggers. I would get to an airport and I would just start to drink. So becoming, you know, alcohol free, I'd get to airports and now I buy books in excess. But anyway, I was having a really tough day and I made a video saying, you know, I share a lot of positivity about sobriety, but this is the reality. There are days like I sat and I stared at the bar and I thought all the thoughts that people have, you know, man, I could just sit there and numb out. And I am able to coach myself through that so that that's not happening. But I really try to keep it, I say real raw and relatable because that's fantastic. You know, that's what people I think can connect to.
[00:25:40] Speaker A: And we are going to continue this conversation.
And up next, we're going to explore how to turn shame into purpose and why your past doesn't have to define your future.
[00:26:14] Speaker B: Foreign.
[00:26:25] Speaker A: Hey, welcome back to your life and legacy. I'm your host, Christopher Nudo, and I'm joined by Vanessa Lagoa. In this segment, we're tackling tough but important topics and we've brought it up before, but we're going to focus on shame.
Many in recovery carry a heavy burden of regret or guilt, and they believe it disqualifies them from creating A better future. But, Vanessa, you help people that see that, that shame can be transformed into purpose. And so let's talk about that shift.
Many face a feeling of being trapped in shame, believing past miss it, past mistakes really defined their worth.
I think we can all relate to that.
And this keeps people stuck when instead that pain really could fuel us for helping others.
So with that as the beginning of this segment, can you help us with getting out of that really trapped feeling? That. That feeling of, I can't go left or right because I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough.
[00:27:46] Speaker B: Yeah. So I'll tell people a lot, like, feelings are meant to be felt, but they're not meant to be kept. Oh, so got to have the feeling, feel it, wallow in it. You need to cry, you need to scream, you need to do whatever you need to do, process it, and then we move on. And what are you going to take from it? So, like we said earlier, shame serves no purpose. If you're just going to marinate in it, it's useless, it's destructive. So I'll open up often to people and say things like, there are many things that I did that I'm not proud of, that I was once ashamed of. But the reality is I wouldn't be where I am today, sitting across from you, being able to help you if I hadn't gone through those things or how would I qualify to help you? You know, I had somebody say to me once, well, what qualifies you to be a recovery coach?
You know, did you go get a PhD for that? And I said, no, but wouldn't you rather work with somebody who's been there, done that, than somebody who's opened up a book and studied?
[00:28:44] Speaker A: Yeah. You have a PhD in life.
[00:28:47] Speaker B: Life experience.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:28:49] Speaker B: You can't discount that. So, you know, the shame, it's there. There are things I've done that I'm not proud of, but I'm proud to now be able to say that I don't behave like that anymore. I don't live the way that I lived before.
And I've let that go. It's in the past. I've made amends with people. I have shown that I have grown by not behaving those ways anymore.
So, yeah, I mean, shame is.
It's a feeling. Feel it and get over it, which I would say a little bit more carefully, but that's really the. That's how it goes.
[00:29:29] Speaker A: So I want to go back to the visual that you have stuck in my brain. Right now. So much so that I can't even articulate it, but I love it because I love the ocean, I love the beach. I love how you've tied that into your personal spiritual journey. And so let's. Let's go back to. And talk about a word that I think is really important, and that's forgiveness.
Because in my opinion, forgiveness is part of the process of change and forgiving yourself for all of those stupid things that you had done, all of those poor decisions, and letting yourself know it's okay, because we're moving on from that.
Share with me that journey that you take people on.
[00:30:25] Speaker B: So I often will paint a picture for people of, somebody has harmed you. This is how it's gone. Do you forgive them? People are so quick to forgive other people, but yet hold so much resentment towards themselves. So one of the little exercises that we'll do is, you know, you are. You are the only you that there gets to be. You're the only one. You. You are have been there through it all, and you're going to there till the very end. So if you cannot forgive yourself and move on, you're going to be stagnant, you're going to stay stuck, you're going to stay feeling like a victim, and growth isn't going to come from that. So forgiving yourself and learning to trust yourself again by behaving in different patterns than you have before and figuring out who you are without alcohol, you know, those are steps to figuring out how you can forgive yourself a little bit better.
[00:31:26] Speaker A: And I want to go back to the concept of the people that you impact, because I am sure that all the people who have such success with the sobriety buzz have made not only changes for their own health, for their own life, for their own success, but. But for their husbands, their children, their friends.
Tell me about just the joy that people are experiencing from getting freedom from these addictions.
[00:31:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, if I just look at my own situation, I. The day. The morning that I knew that I had to stop drinking, I was 36 years old and have this wonderful life that I was always fine in.
And, you know, I created this chaos, always behind the scenes, and realize now that alcohol was always at the center of that. But the morning that I realized it's. It's done, like, something has to change or I'm going to sacrifice everything.
I woke up to a text message from my husband that said I knew it was only a matter of time before the alcohol caught up to us. And I remember that, you know, that was Six and a half years ago. And I remember that like it was yesterday because it hit me that he was just waiting for the bomb to drop. And it had.
And fast forwarding to today, you know, I can be trusted. My. I can be trusted that when my. I have five children. So, like, my house is filled with kids all the time. They're friends.
I feel so good now knowing that people's children are here and there's no drinking, there's no drugs, there's no illegal. You know, everything is safe. Like, I feel I can trust myself more. I am able to forgive myself because I now live where I'm a role model for people, and that's affected my children. My. My three younger children will never see me with a drink.
And I like that we have open conversations about, you know, drinking, and I will tell them, you know, I used to behave this way, and I don't anymore.
I like that I can make fun mocktails and I don't have to jump for them to, oh, don't drink out of that glass. It's just a much more peaceful life now.
[00:33:50] Speaker A: Did. Did your husband struggle as well, or.
No. So he was.
[00:33:56] Speaker B: I always. So my husband pretty much stopped drinking when I stopped drinking. And the way that I describe that to people is this. My husband loves Diet Coke. If I never drink a Diet Coke for the rest of my life, I wouldn't care because it just doesn't have any meaning to me. I don't.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: It.
[00:34:12] Speaker B: It means nothing. And I feel like he sort of looked at alcohol the way I look at Diet Coke. So he was kind of like, yeah, sure, I'm not gonna drink either then. And he's gotten. Since he's an ultra marathon runner, so he's very healthy and physically. So I think he also realized alcohol just served no positive.
[00:34:31] Speaker A: That gives me a little hope because I am not an ultra marathon runner, and I do drink Diet Coke on occasion. So, you know, your husband just gave me a license for a little bit of Diet Coke. That's good. Thank you, Vanessa.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: Well, it's funny too, because when I. When I first stopped drinking, I had this vision that I was going to become so serene and I was going to do yoga and I was going to run marathons with John, and I was going to be this.
This Zen like, woman, and I was going to be so thin and fit and all this vision of sobriety, and I can't run to my mailbox, which is attached to my health. So, you know, the vision. I always say that the.
That the root of Disappointment are expectations. Right. So, you know, but he is very healthy. And I think he realized that alcohol would serve him no purpose, too. But, no, he. He didn't struggle with addiction. And I think that was a really.
It was difficult for me because I was having a hard time not understanding what he wasn't understanding about how hard it was for me in the beginning, because our schools of thought were very different.
[00:35:45] Speaker A: And how long were the two of you together?
So from dating to marriage to the time that you recognized there was a problem?
[00:35:57] Speaker B: It was about eight years.
[00:35:58] Speaker A: Eight years?
[00:35:59] Speaker B: Yeah, we had been together about eight years.
And, you know, over the course of that eight years, he made mention many times of my drinking being problematic. And very typical of somebody with a drinking problem. I would say things to him like, oh, my God, you need a drink. You need to loosen up. I don't have a problem. I hid. I hid a lot of the problem from him.
And that's one thing that I tell people. You know, being a problem drinker makes you a really good.
[00:36:30] Speaker A: Liar in some cases.
[00:36:33] Speaker B: A liar?
[00:36:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:34] Speaker B: And, you know, I definitely wasn't a full truth giver. And so there would be times I would drink a bottle of wine, you know, coming home from work, throw out the cup in my neighbor's trash barrel, come in, say hello, open a bottle of wine up, and he'd go, really? You just walked in, you're having a glass of wine? And I'd be like, exactly, I just walked in. But really, I was already, you know, a bottle deep. And so as. As the drinking really progressed for me, I. I was very, you know, cognizant of the fact that I was hiding a lot from him, and it didn't feel good. It feels much better now to be right.
[00:37:17] Speaker A: Living in the light. Living, living, living. Without knowing that you're trying to hide.
[00:37:24] Speaker B: Yes, listen. And again, I took that shame and made it into.
My husband was one who would say, like, I can't believe you're posting some of the things you're posting, or you're saying that you would drink and drive, or you're saying these things. And I'm like, well, I can say those things now because I don't live like that. And I want to appeal to the people who feel, like, really alone in their shame. So I've taken that shame.
I've kind of said, ooh, okay, shameful. All right, fine. And let's make some use out of that.
[00:37:57] Speaker A: Yes, you've. And we know that there are millions of people out there who are driving with their cup of wine and ditching it in their neighbor's garbage can and coming home and pouring their first glass. Right. But not. And you are just opening up to them that you're not alone and there is a way out.
So you know what? Coming up next, we're going to talk about building a legacy of courage, authenticity, and sobriety and how your story, Vanessa, can impact generations to come.
Sam, welcome back to your life and legacy. Don't miss a second of this show or any of NOW Media TV favorites, streaming live and on demand wherever and whenever you want. Grab the free Now Media app on Roku or iOS and enjoy instant access to our lineup of bilingual programs, both in English and Spanish.
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As we wrap up today's conversation, we're going to the heart of it all. Legacy.
Vanessa, you teach that sobriety is just not about what we walk away from, but what we build.
A life of courage, authenticity, and lasting impact.
Let's talk to our viewers about how we can begin their story as part of something new and bigger.
Really, the root challenge of many people is believing that their story, they don't believe that their story really matters or they think that they've made a mistake that disqualifies themselves from really anything meaningful. Going to the future.
Really what I want to know, Vanessa, is how can their struggles today actually be the foundation for their future impact? And I know you have a great story to back this up.
[00:41:00] Speaker B: Well, you know, getting sober, getting rid of alcohol or drugs really comes down to a decision.
And a decision can be made at any time, any moment. And I will tell people often it, the, the change happens the minute you decide it, it happens. It's not going to be after doing, you know, going on a vacation or after somebody's wedding or after you get divorced or after you leave a terrible job. It can happen now. And your change and your the rest of your life can start the minute you decide it does. That's really what it comes down to.
And I find so much power in that. And I really try to drive that home to people that you're not a victim. Life is not happening to you. It's happening for you. And it's what you're going to take from it and what you're going to do with it and how your mind works. You know, the brain believes whatever you tell it. And so if you tell yourself, I can't do this. I'm an alcoholic, I am stuck. I'm always going to be this way. Unfortunately, you're probably correct. But if you tell yourself, you know what? This is who I was, and I'm done, I'm done. I'm not living this way anymore. And you make that decision, and you continue to remind your brain and tell your brain, give your brain evidence to support that, that will become your reality. It's so.
The mind is so powerful, but it's such an underutilized tool. Like, people forget that you are in control of your life. You get to make the decision, you get to write the narrative, and you get to leave the legacy that you want. Nothing is happening to you. It's happening for you.
[00:42:44] Speaker A: That's exactly true. And so what do you tell the people that are like, vanessa, I'm with you. Like, I want to run this race with you, but you don't understand.
I take two steps forward, sometimes one step back, or sometimes I'll take one step forward, three steps back. I cannot keep the train moving and in the same direction.
What do you tell those folks?
[00:43:09] Speaker B: A lot of the mindset shifting that we talk about comes from visualizing the life that you want.
Stop looking backwards. We know who you were. We know how you got here right now, today, and we know you don't want to keep going with that. So I do a lot of visualization and a lot of manifestation work. So who do you want to become?
How does the version of you show up? Every day? I have exercises where, I mean, I make people write out everything, and it's lengthy. It's one of my longest but favorite things to do with people. Because if you can't envision where you want to be or who you want to be or how you're going to show up in your life, how the heck are you going to get there?
[00:43:48] Speaker A: What are some of those things? What are they writing down? Tell me. Like, are they changing their wardrobe? The shoes they wear, hairdo? Like, what's. Like, tell me the rebranding that's going on here.
[00:43:58] Speaker B: So it's exactly that. It's a rebranding, and it is creating a higher version of yourself. And so one thing I start with is close your eyes and picture yourself at 15 years old. Majority of people I work with are, you know, 40s, 50s. So picture yourself at 15. Okay? I was obsessed with Alanis Morissette and the kid from Home Improvement in my locker and all these things. And I Wore certain clothes. And that version of myself is so far removed from the person I am today, so I can't envision living with those tastes today.
Same thing. Now, fast forward. Who is the version of you? I mean, down to what exactly is your morning routine? Like, what color are your sheets? What fabric are your sheets? How do. Do you shower? Do you bathe? What do you do? Every single thing. What is the higher version of you look like? What does she wear? What does she dress like? How does she speak? What does she listen to? Because a lot of it is that, you know, we become what we ingest, and that's not just food. They say you are what you eat, but you're also what you listen to, who you listen to, who you speak with, who you surround yourself with. So if the version of yourself is living here and you're here surrounding yourself with, I don't know, just say people sitting around in bars talking about their problems, and you want to get here and you want to be sitting at tables of people who are talking about growth and who are talking about business plans and faith and service to others, Then who do those people that you're hanging around look like? What do they do for fun? Who do they listen to? And creating that, like I said, this is a lengthy process, but it's a fun process for people because you're getting to re.
Re Discover yourself and, you know, create yourself. It's a recreation. Once you have that picture, you start taking steps. Every single day, I ask myself, is, if I do this, am I getting one step closer to the version of Vanessa that I want to be or am I not? And if the answer is no, it's a no for me.
[00:46:09] Speaker A: Makes perfect sense.
[00:46:11] Speaker B: You want to go out and do this? I'm like, no.
[00:46:14] Speaker A: One of the.
[00:46:15] Speaker B: It's not.
[00:46:16] Speaker A: One of the things I picked up on in what you were just saying a moment ago was the fact that you had a lot of she's. You know, what is. What was the best version of her? What is the best version? And I understand that your relatability is woman to woman, but I'm sure this sobriety buzz also applies to men. And so tell me what you see. The real difference is between men and women going through the same struggle.
[00:46:45] Speaker B: I don't want to sound like an anti feminist here, because I'm absolutely not. But I feel like there's this. There's been this.
A lot of talk about, like, women and all the struggles women have and all the responsibilities that women have. And we do. We tend to you know, carry the home and the children and all, like, the small things I tell my husband, like, you don't know when the field trips are or what the teachers are getting for Christmas. You know, we think of those things.
[00:47:08] Speaker A: So true.
[00:47:09] Speaker B: But I think that men.
I know this, but I don't think my husband ever thought about making 75 Valentine's Day bags for kids at school. But anyway, but being said, you know, I think that men have this heavy responsibility to be masculine, but not too masculine, to be in touch with their feelings, but not, you know, weenies. Right. And to take care of their families, but spend time with their families. There's a lot of. It's a different set of responsibilities that I find for men.
And I think men tend to keep their problems to themselves more than women. We tend to share a bit more. Men tend to go in. And so I actually find that with men, there's more shame because they haven't. Because they haven't shared. They haven't processed these feelings with other people before. So it's a. It's a little bit of a different process. When you tell a man to write about, you know, what does your day look like? They're not like, oh, fun. Women are like, oh, that's a fun project. Like, what the hell do you mean? I get up, I put my damn clothes on, I go to work. But it. It. It's a similar process. It has to be handled a little bit differently.
[00:48:26] Speaker A: What do you want people to really remember you by? Like, you know, I know. I know in my heart, I like. I. That's why I so enjoy having you on the show and our viewers, to get to know you and meet you. And so, you know. But people are going to have this memory of Vanessa. What do you want to be known for? What's going to be written on your tombstone?
[00:48:48] Speaker B: It's funny that you asked that, because that's an exercise that I do as well, almost like morbidly, like, write your own obituary. What do you want it to say? And so I do think about that often, and I would ultimately like to be remembered as somebody who was of service to other people, whether it's my children, my husband, my friends, clients, and somebody who is real and authentic, because that's important to me, to say it, how it is, whether. Whether it's well received or not.
I'm going to stay true to who I am. I'm not going to live with regret. I don't believe in regret. I think there are things you do and there are things you don't do. And that's life. And so I definitely want to be remembered as somebody who is courageous and took lots of risks, which no one who knows me would have a hard time saying.
And that somebody who believes wholeheartedly that we get one life, one chance at this thing called life. And I'm gonna live it and with enjoyment. And I'm always going to be searching and seeking happiness and excitement and connection with other people. I don't think there's anything more important to me.
[00:50:07] Speaker A: That's going to be a really big tombstone.
[00:50:11] Speaker B: And actually don't bury.
Sprinkle. Sprinkle me and say those things.
[00:50:16] Speaker A: So let's go. Let's go back to people connecting with you on TikTok. So is what's your handle like? Like you can tell I'm not on TikTok. How do they find you on TikTok?
[00:50:27] Speaker B: It's. It's at the do sobriety buzz.
[00:50:31] Speaker A: Oh, excellent. Say it one more time for our viewers.
[00:50:33] Speaker B: I believe if you just type in the sobriety buzz, I come up right away. So. And apparently I've now reached a point where people are trying to copy me, which is, like, so cool. Somebody told me that. So I do only have one.
One TikTok sobriety page.
[00:50:51] Speaker A: So just, well, congratulations on being copied.
[00:50:56] Speaker B: I know somebody reached me to tell me how terrible that was, and I was like, I have arrived.
[00:51:01] Speaker A: Yes. Yes, you have. Vanessa, thank you so much for being here and sharing your wisdom with us today.
Today you've shown us that, you know, recovery is just not about giving something up. It's about building something greater, from self trust to health, from turning shame into purpose to building a legacy that lasts. You, Vanessa, remind us that that story really matters.
For those who are watching, remember, your life is more than your past. It's about what you choose to create today.
That's a legacy you leave behind. I'm Chris Nudo, and this has been youn life and legacy.
Until next time. Keep moving forward with courage, authenticity, and hope.
